Where Did the Gays Go?

Today I stayed home with a stomach bug. It was a pesky little critter, that scratched and gnawed at me, but didn't reveal itself. Not knowing how serious this event would be, I decided to get out of bed and work. Although the new place isn't quite settled, I feel at home enough to camp out on the couch and crouch over the laptop, squinting at spreadsheets and numbers, looking out on the Queens/Brooklyn skyline.

Around noon, the president of Iran spoke at Columbia. I decided to tune into this presentation. I'm always curious to hear what idiots have to say. After he got bitch slapped by the President of Columbia U (which itself is interesting considering they invited him to speak. Kind of unprofessional, in my opinion. But then, despite my reputation, my liberalism doesn't bleed that much).

But I digress......

So most of what Ahmadinejad said was quite boring.....blah blah blah on peaceful nuclear production, their rights to self-determination, etc, etc. But, like so many of you, I learned there are no gays in Iran.

Who knew?

Well, this changes everything.

Clearly dating in New York has not worked for many of us. Perhaps it's time to look east. To the land of ....to the land of.....well, I don't know what they have. Good kabob, caviar. The Caspian Sea could become the new Hamptons. Think about it. No competition from our gay boyfriends. And, because we'll need to wear veils, we can stop spending all our money on coloring our roots. This could be great!

There are other implications as well.

1. Young Iranians can join the US military - no issues of "don't ask, don't tell"
2. The RNC can move it's convention to Tehran. Who needs Log Cabin Republicans - time for the Iranian Republicans to stand up.

Of course, it's sad there are no gays in Iran. I mean, who else can Design on a Dime? Can they really pull off "Straight Eye for the Iranian Guy"? And what girl doesn't feel better after getting a pep talk from her best girlfriend, Tim?

It makes me wonder, where did the gays go?

Should I Stop Watching TV - How RCN is Ruining My Life

I'm having a nightmare with RCN, and I have to share with anyone who actually checks on this site. I moved in to my new apartment last week. The RCN technician set up my two cable boxes and the wireless router, and left. Not 10 minutes pass when the DVR box goes out. I go to pull up the number online, but I can't access the internet b/c the guy put a password on the router, but didn't give me the password. He leaves me no paperwork - nothing. I'm currently stealing someone else's internet (sorry).

I've been on the phone with RCN twice - you know it takes an average 15 minutes on hold just to speak to a rep. Crazy. I explained the problem, spent an additional hour unplugging/replugging the box while they keep sending signals out to the box......the box is dead. I knew there was a problem when I saw all the scratches on the thing. At least Time Warner cleans their boxes and pretends they are new. RCN didn't even bother.

I made an appt for a technician to come out. Then the onsite RCN sales rep I happened to talk to on Saturday came up and looked at it. He suggested I try calling again - maybe the signaling would work. Spent another 1+ hour on the phone with them. Nothing changed.

RCN calls me yesterday to confirm the appointment for tonight. They tell me that if I don't cancel, but miss the appointment, I have to pay them a $50 no-show fee. I confirmed I would be there.

Tonight, I rush home, leaving work early so I could be there at 5p, and waited, and waited, and waited, etc, etc, etc. Finally at 8p, I called to see what happened b/c the technician is a no-show.

Takes an hour for the technician to respond to say I wasn't home. Even claimed he called and left a message. I have no calls (no one has the home number but RCN - and there were no calls in the log), no messages, no cable, no internet access (accept that which I am stealing). The best they could do is say "sorry".

I kept asking for the supervisor, who refused to get on the line. I actually felt bad for the phone rep b/c it isn't his fault, but he has to hear it from me and gets no suppport from his supervisor.

Anyway, I have no rescheduled appointment. The best they could do is send a note to the regional office and I have to wait for someone to call me to reschedule the appointment.

Personally, I'm wondering if this is a sign from God or whoever, telling me to stop watching TV and playing on the internet - and go to the gym. And maybe I should just cancel the account entirely. But then, the new TV season premieres in two weeks. How can I live without The Office, Ugly Betty, Desparate Housewives, and Pushing Daisyies (I haven't seen it and I already love it), or my new favorite shows - Weeds and Californication?

Of course, they could give me the $50 no-show credit, give me a free month, and maybe I'll keep my account and I can maybe go on living.........