Where Did the Gays Go?

Today I stayed home with a stomach bug. It was a pesky little critter, that scratched and gnawed at me, but didn't reveal itself. Not knowing how serious this event would be, I decided to get out of bed and work. Although the new place isn't quite settled, I feel at home enough to camp out on the couch and crouch over the laptop, squinting at spreadsheets and numbers, looking out on the Queens/Brooklyn skyline.

Around noon, the president of Iran spoke at Columbia. I decided to tune into this presentation. I'm always curious to hear what idiots have to say. After he got bitch slapped by the President of Columbia U (which itself is interesting considering they invited him to speak. Kind of unprofessional, in my opinion. But then, despite my reputation, my liberalism doesn't bleed that much).

But I digress......

So most of what Ahmadinejad said was quite boring.....blah blah blah on peaceful nuclear production, their rights to self-determination, etc, etc. But, like so many of you, I learned there are no gays in Iran.

Who knew?

Well, this changes everything.

Clearly dating in New York has not worked for many of us. Perhaps it's time to look east. To the land of ....to the land of.....well, I don't know what they have. Good kabob, caviar. The Caspian Sea could become the new Hamptons. Think about it. No competition from our gay boyfriends. And, because we'll need to wear veils, we can stop spending all our money on coloring our roots. This could be great!

There are other implications as well.

1. Young Iranians can join the US military - no issues of "don't ask, don't tell"
2. The RNC can move it's convention to Tehran. Who needs Log Cabin Republicans - time for the Iranian Republicans to stand up.

Of course, it's sad there are no gays in Iran. I mean, who else can Design on a Dime? Can they really pull off "Straight Eye for the Iranian Guy"? And what girl doesn't feel better after getting a pep talk from her best girlfriend, Tim?

It makes me wonder, where did the gays go?